Unfortunately nothing is ever exactly as it seems. "Caveat Emptor" warns the Better Business Bureau as does the Attorney General's consumer fraud watch. While I gracefully slide into my senior years, I have become a real cynic on just about everything. I am tired of the phone calls offering magic elixir potions that will allow me to lose 100 pounds and 15 years within 30 days. I don't care how many times I sign up on the "do not call" list, to keep those pesky salesman from calling, they still call - - mostly at the most inconvenient or inopportune time

I also am getting pretty sharp at spotting the con games that slick talking salesman offer or colorful graphic artists put together for mailing. But just yesterday they damn near got me.

Mixed in with all my Christmas cards, bills, etc., was a check in the amount of $2.50 from Bank One I immediately thought it might be a rebate of some sort. So I immediately looked at the check and tried to figure out what high end product product I had recently purchased that, indeed, may have offered a rebate.

I finally found the following notation: "PLEASE ENDORSE AND CASH OR DEPOSIT THIS CHECK TO ACTIVATE YOUR MEMBERSHIP." Membership to what, I thought. Reading a little further down it states that cashing this check automatically starts the activator of my Hot-Line membership. I have absolutely no idea what a Hot Line membership is. However, reading further assures me that after thirty days, I will be billed $79.99 annually.

I immediately called the 800 telephone number on the check. I explained to the rep that I was in receipt of a check in the amount of $2.50 and that I probably would be in trouble if I indeed cashed same. She laughed - - and said "yes". I explained that this came to me totally unsolicited. To which she replied - - "Oh just rip it up and throw it away." She further advised that it was wise of me to call and that many customers just cash the check and are stuck with the consequences.

I told her that I was going to forward this on to the newspapers and others protesting what I feel is totally fraudulent. It probably is not fraudulent as far as the letter of the law, but it certainly appears fraudulent morally. Unfortunately in today’s age, morality doesn’t seem to be much of an issue. I would urge everyone who receives an unsolicited check, to review it very very carefully before cashing. I have received checks from telephone companies that will automatically switch my carrier should I endorse the check and now this one from Bank One would enroll me in some cockamamie membership..

Some of my friends still call me Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms because I am so trusting. I just feel that maybe, just maybe, one of those checks would be from John Berresford Tipton - - you know, the guy who handed out a million dollars every week. You really have to be an elder to remember, "The Millionaire."

I really have been quite annoyed at telemarketers, before the government initiated a "do not call" list - - but at least they didn’t cost me any money. Same goes for the irritating SPAM on my internet account. But this blatant, irritating, garbage of titillating me with a check is just infuriating.

Who do I call to get this stuff outlawed? Mr. Attorney General where are you?