Shackles UnShackled

A cockeyed view of life as seen through the eyes of award winning journalist, Marianne V. Shackles.

I have a thing about telemarketers. When I am in a good mood, I really love to have fun with them.

One of my very favorites is the Gal who called from Sears and said that she was from Miracle Ear and was offering a free hearing test and ear cleaning. As soon as she finished her spiel, I said "What did you say?" She repeated the prescribed script word for word and once again when she finished, I said "What?" Well she was beside herself and asked if there was someone else in the house she could talk to because I really needed her help. She then went on about the hearing test being offered and I politely told her I didn’t take tests. After a giggle or two she further advised that I would be able to have my ears cleaned. I kindly instructed her that I had a housekeeper who cleaned my house. By this time, the solicitor was so frustrated that she bid me adieu.

Of course, there was the time I received a call from Pinelawn who was offering me a great deal on funeral services and monuments. I politely told them that my husband bought me a plot six years ago and is still a tad ticked off because I haven’t used it yet. Ho hum. I left him in the dust so to speak.

I remember one day when an insurance agent called to offer me some razzle dazzle insurance policy. He went on to say how expensive funerals were and that he was sure I wouldn’t want to burden my kids with the financial hardship of burying me. Always polite, I told him that I took care of my kids all these years, raised them, and educated them and that if they couldn’t afford to bury me they could keep me propped up in their living room. The agent did not find this humorous and I could hear the disdain and disgust as he said good night.

One poor telemarketer really was upset with me - - he called and asked said "Hi and how are you today?" I started to cry and tell him that I was so glad he called because I had been sitting in front of the telephone for three days and no one had called and it was so wonderful talking to another human being. I started to babble on about my aching back, my abscessed tooth, my gout attack and on and on and on. He finally said he had to go and was sorry I was feeling so poorly. I never did find out what the heck he was selling but I assure you, he never called me back either.

Well folks, last night I did get my comeuppance. Would you believe - - a telemarketer hung the phone up on me - - - Okay, it was 7:00 pm last night. The phone rang and the voice on the other end said "Hi, Marianne, this is Gabriel." Before he went any further, I said - - "just minute, do you know me?" He replied, "No, but you are Marianne, aren’t you?" I replied "Excuse me, you don’t even know me and you have the audacity to call me ‘Marianne’?. At that point, he caustically, angrily, and rather loudly said "Have a nice day, Snob."

I will continue to give telemarketers a hard time - - it is in my blood. The score right now is Marianne 12 - telemarketers 1. Oh, one more thing, if you really don’t want to talk to these people, just asked them to hold on for one minute and then go on your merry way doing some other project. Eventually, they will get the message and hang up. Unfortunately, telemarketers are a way of life, so why not embrace and enjoy them.

Should you like to contact me, or have any comments, please feel free to contact me.