$%$##@#*&&^

AKA Offensive Lanquage

As a freelance writer, I submit my columns from time to time for publication throughout the country. My most recent column, seemed particularly timely and controversial, and for that reason I decided to E-mail it to several papers.

Inasmuch as I lived more than 40 years in Smithtown, Lawn Guyland, Gnu Yawk, I approached the Smithtown News, a weekly publication. With a personalized note to say "hello" to everyone, I forwarded my column via the Internet superhighway.

Within seconds it was rebuked and returned to me with very large red type

 "ERROR: OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE DETECTED! Please use your browser’s back button to edit your test and make it suitable for everyone."

My article was about the Colorado massacre, guns, laws, etc. True, the massacre itself was absolutely offensive. Certainly guns are offensive to many people. And in my estimation, putting more and more unenforceable laws on the books, is highly offensive. While the deeds and the subject matter may be offensive, I wondered what words could the "server" possibly detect as offensive.

Fortunately for me, the "server: highlighted the offensive language in question. My note said "Hello" — the letters Hell were highlighted in the word Hello listing the noun as offensive.  Next under scrutiny was the phrase ",,conflict resolution and morals...." Guess what folks? The word oral in morals was singled out as offensive language. And last, but by no means least was the sentence that started "In the final analysis." Bet you can’t guess what was offensive? The word anal was highlighted in the rather benign and non offensive word analysis.

For the most part, obscenities and offensive language are not part of my speech or writings. Sure, an occasional hell or damn might sputter out but not enough to get the language police after me. For that reason, I was more than a little flabbergasted when I was told in no uncertain terms that my text was offensive. For a period of time I was banned from a retirement facility in Pompano Beach for no explicable reason and now some holier than thou programmer on some cockamamy server finds the words in my column offensive. Wow!

I'll keep you abreast of future chastisements that may come up from time to time in the internet morass. However, I am not sure my editor will allow me to use such offensive words as abreast and morass.

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